Treading Water: Embracing the Art of Maintenance and Giving Grace to Imperfection

As we usher in the new year, like many of us, I find myself reflecting on the past year: what went well, what didn’t. Am I moving toward my goals or am I just treading water?

I spent a year treading water. 

Not quite drowning, but getting nowhere.

I was super busy in 2022 opening a therapy practice. That meant learning how to run a business, building a website, managing expenses and figuring out how to market myself (that didn’t go well). I went into 2023 all bright-eyed and full of hope, ready to grow and expand my business and put myself out there! But upon reflection. I did very little. Well… I worked on a full-sleeve tattoo, watched my only child move out of state, grew my nails and rescued a fourth husky. From a place of self-love and compassion, I did enough. As a high-performing perfectionist and over-functioner, I did nothing.

Our society values perpetual motion and progress, so the concept of just maintaining can feel counterintuitive. However, life is an intricate dance of growth, stability, and even regression. It's essential to recognize that maintaining, or even regressing, is not a sign of failure or complacency; rather, it's a natural part of the ebb and flow of life. The times we do less are valuable opportunities for rest, reflection and consolidation of the progress made. In reframing our perspective, we can cultivate a sense of gratitude for the present and a deeper understanding of the cyclical nature of personal growth and development.

Practicing self-compassion in the face of perceived shortcomings or the feeling of not working as hard as you think you should have is an important part of nurturing your mental and emotional well-being. Instead of spiraling into feelings of failure, here are some steps you can take to give yourself compassion and grace.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Start by acknowledging and accepting the feelings of disappointment or self-criticism. It's okay to recognize that you might have different expectations for yourself. Allow yourself to feel without judgment.

Challenge Unrealistic Expectations

Reflect on whether the expectations you set for yourself are realistic and attainable. Often, we hold ourselves to exceptionally high standards that may not be sustainable. Adjust your expectations to be more realistic and compassionate.

Focus on Effort, Not Just Results

Shift your focus from the end result to the effort you put into your work. Acknowledge the steps you took, the challenges you faced, and the progress you made, even if it doesn't align with your initial expectations.

Practice Mindfulness

Engage in mindfulness techniques to stay present in the moment. Mindfulness helps you observe your thoughts without judgment and can prevent the mind from spiraling into self-criticism. Techniques such as deep breathing or meditation can be helpfu

Cultivate Self-Understanding

Take time to understand the reasons behind your perceived lack of effort. Are there external factors, such as stress or fatigue, that may have affected your ability to work as hard as you wanted? Understanding the context can foster self-compassion.

Practice Positive Self-Talk

Monitor your internal dialogue and replace self-critical thoughts with positive and understanding language. Instead of berating yourself for not working hard enough, acknowledge that you are human, and everyone has moments when they fall short of their own expectations.

Learn from the Experience

View the situation as an opportunity for growth and learning. Ask yourself what you can learn from this experience and how you can make adjustments moving forward. This mindset can turn perceived failures into valuable lessons.

Embrace Imperfection

Embrace the reality that everyone is imperfect, and setbacks are a natural part of life. Accepting imperfection doesn't diminish your worth; it makes you human. Allow yourself the grace to be imperfect and to learn from your experiences.

Seek Support   

Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking about your struggles can provide perspective and emotional support. Others may offer insights or encouragement that can help you navigate your feelings.

Remember Common Humanity

It’s important to remember that you are not alone. There are many people, other high-performing, successful people, who also struggle. We all get tired, overwhelmed and need to catch our breaths from time to time. This is part of the human condition. Extend the same grace and compassion to yourself as you would to a friend or loved one going through a similar situation. 

Did I really do nothing this year? Or did I create stability, new norms, and integrated a new sense of self after some major life changes? This reframe can allow us to celebrate small victories as well as reflect on habits and routines that may need to be implemented as we move toward our goals and the vision of the life we want to create. It can also help cultivate a more compassionate and balanced relationship with ourselves. So, as you navigate the various seasons of life, remember that there is profound beauty in the moments of stillness and stability – a beauty that deserves acknowledgment and celebration.