From Hustle to Flow; High-Performing ADHD, Anxiety and the Need to Chill the Fuck Out (pt 1)
I’ve been a lifelong hustler. Sounds kinda gangster, I know. But I have!
Throughout my life I have learned that my value and worth is often tied up in my productivity, work and how well I perform. Burnout and exhaustion have been proudly worn on my sleeve like some fucked up boy scout patches.
The crazy part? I like it.
I have a low-key “buzz” going on most of the time. It’s like my nervous system is humming, my engine revving. When I’m on a productive streak (cleaning, working, writing, organizing, etc), it feels like the world around me slows down, I get hyper-focused, and it feels like I’m in some synchronous dance with time and space. I get shit done, and I do it well.
Everyone wonders, “how do you do it all?” and “where do you find all the energy?” I joke and blame it on crack, but the truth is, I’ve been operating like this all my life. The neural pathways are so well worn, that stress, anxiety and overfunctioning are just part of me.
Over the past decade, I have learned a few things:
I have undiagnosed ADHD.
What I experience are also symptoms of anxiety.
Anxiety can be used as a coping mechanism of ADHD.
I am not alone.
Damn! That so doesn’t go with my hustler, gangster vibe.
What is High-Performing ADHD?
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder identified by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with daily functioning or development. People can be diagnosed as predominantly inattentive or predominantly hyperactive/impulsive (hello!) or as a combination of both, and the severity can range from mild impairments to severely impacting social or occupational functioning. Common symptoms include:
Inattentiveness and carelessness
Inability to finish a task before starting a new one
Poor organizational skills
Inability to focus
Forgetfulness and misplacing items
Impulsivity
Restlessness
Excessive talking
High-Performing ADHD is not a formal diagnosis but describes people who have very mild ADHD symptoms or their symptoms impair one area of their lives but are still high-performing in others. For others, like myself, they develop coping strategies that allow them to experience minimum disruption, such as setting up elaborate alarm and calendar systems, writing lists (and forgetting them at home), minimizing external stimuli and developing the skill of the last minute push (procrastination and anxiety are powerful motivators). I often challenge myself by writing a to-do list and trying to get as many things done as I can by a certain time. It’s a time-management device that’s fun for me and works. I feel super powerful when I can get everything I want to do plus a little more in said time.
Anxiety as a Reward
Imagine living your happy, neurodivergent life as a square peg trying constantly to fit into a round-hole society. How anxiety-producing is that?! Those who experience more severe ADHD symptoms that limit more of their daily functioning may experience worse anxiety. For the high-performers who have “hacked the system” with overfunctioning, perfection and production, the anxiety is there, but it’s rewarded. Let me say that again, your anxiety is rewarded which makes you lean into it harder. From a behavioral perspective, your anxious behaviors are rewarded with praise from employers, friends and family who can’t figure out how you manage to get it all done and do it so well. From a brain chemical perspective, you get a hit of dopamine for accomplishing tasks. It feels good to work that hard. Those anxious behaviors get hardwired into your nervous system and the neural pathways are strengthened.
No wonder I like it!
Next post I will discuss ways to recognize and manage these behaviors. If any of this resonates, I would love to support you in your journey of self-discovery and healing. To connect, feel free to email me at rachel@burlesoncounselingandwellness.com or schedule a free 20-minute consultation call by clicking on the button below.