From Hustle to Flow; High-Performing ADHD, Anxiety and the Need to Chill the Fuck Out (pt 2)
In part one of this blog, I discussed the signs and symptoms of high-performing ADHD and how anxiety becomes a way of life in your attempt to manage your overstimulated, easily-distracted, procrastinating brain and body. Allow me now to (over)share my experiences.
The Hustle
For years I had been doing it all, pleasing everyone and proving I was good enough, smart enough, capable and competent. When I talk about being a hustler, this is what I’m talking about. I worked three jobs, 60+ hours a week, worked out, meal-planned and prepped, took my son to school every day, picked him up and in later years drove him to and from work after school. I had three huskies at home that shed everywhere year-round, and extra twice a year, and a neurodivergent partner (inattentive presenting) that left a trail of chaos and mess in his wake. Don’t get me wrong! He is very sweet, loving and caring but messy. Thanks to OCD and perfectionist tendencies that correlate to both anxiety and high-performing ADHD, I made sure I swept, vacuumed, wiped, mopped and tidied my home every morning and evening to ensure my house was perfect. My day started at 5:30 am and ended at around 10 pm. There was no downtime, no space for “self-care”.
How do you do it all?
People seriously started asking how I was able to keep such a busy schedule. Even though I joked that it kept me out of trouble, I never recognized it as ADHD, anxiety, nor that there were potential hazards to my behavior. It was only when I was in my mid-40s that I started to find the language to share my experience with others. When I actually heard my words, I realized that I totally meet the criteria for ADHD. Then one evening while I was having dinner with a friend, she asked if I had anxiety. I was slightly offended but answered with a brief, “Oh no, it’s ADHD”, still not connecting the two.
In my private practice, one of the main issues clients want to address is managing anxiety. It usually presents in ruminating thoughts, feeling like something terrible is going to happen or panic attacks. That’s anxiety and definitely didn’t fit what I was experiencing. Daily I provide clients with mindfulness and grounding tools to recognize and abate their symptoms. Was it the blind leading the blind? Maybe?
Breaking the Cycle
What I have come to understand about myself is that my neurodivergent brain and nervous system needs to stay busy and active. I actually use ADHD to my advantage to get shit done. While this seems great (and is for the most part), if gone unchecked can lead to burnout, exhaustion, resentment and feelings of isolation. Been there, done that.
The first step to getting the anxiety and over functioning associated with high-performing ADHD under control is to understand what’s going on. For some, a formal diagnosis and discussion of treatment options may be necessary. For me, once I actually completed an ADHD screening and realized I truly met the criteria (not just a half-joking self-diagnosis) the pieces all started to fall into place. I never saw myself as anxious but quickly could see some of the signs and symptoms and how they manifested in my thoughts and behaviors. With this new insight, I am working intentionally on slowing down, doing less and being mindful of what’s going on with my body, mind and thoughts. Here are also additional tools that may be helpful.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is simply being aware of your thoughts, feelings, body, and surroundings. We often move through life on auto-pilot, acting and reacting to what’s going on in and around us. Mindfulness is the pause that allows us to become aware of and interrupt the deeply worn neural pathways of thought and behavior. If we want to stop the anxious behaviors of overfunctioning, we need to catch ourselves in the act and intentionally practice new ways of managing ourselves.
Movement
Movement is exceptionally beneficial for a busy nervous system and mind. Research shows that a 10 minute walk can reduce anxiety up to 20% by giving you a powerful boost of serotonin and increasing dopamine production in your brain (more happiness chemicals). Yoga has also been found to help ground those with anxiety and ADHD. Focusing on both your body and breath during each pose can help calm your body and boost your overall mood. I recommend clients incorporate both more active movement like running, walking, swimming or cycling in addition to the more focused, grounded movement practiced in yoga.
Breathwork
Pranayama is the regulation of the breath through certain techniques and exercises. Many yoga classes have pranayama exercises incorporated into them. Some classes are dedicated to the practice. If you choose to try a pranayama class, my overstimulated nervous system wishes yours the best of luck with this. It’s way harder than trying to stand on your head! To keep it simpler and more practical, practice some deep belly breathing. To do this, place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest. As you inhale, focus on sucking your belly in as you draw air into your lungs through your nostrils. Pause and as you exhale gently through your mouth, push the air out with your belly. You should feel the rise and fall of your belly with this breathing. This is kind of fun to do if you have a heart rate monitor on. You can watch your heart rate decrease with each breath, especially if you’re stressed.
Meditation
I actually find trying to meditate with high-performing ADHD funny. I believe it works, but it’s cat-wrangling at its finest. The whole practice is set up on the pretense of failure. During meditation we are asked to clear our minds, but our minds are designed to think… even during meditation. So when you notice your mind wandering away, you are to simply acknowledge the thought and return your attention to your breath. Cool. As an overachiever and perfectionist who can’t sit still, this is both the challenge and the work. Allow your thoughts to wander, gently bring them back to the breath, and don’t judge yourself. I’m still working on sitting still and breathing. I’ll let you know when I start to make peace with meditation.
Journaling
Journaling is an amazing therapeutic tool to help us increase mindfulness, process difficult thoughts and experiences and focus on our goals and dreams. I wrote a bunch on the benefits of journaling and how to create a journaling ritual you can find here. Journaling is a great way to start unpacking and processing how we have lived our lives perfecting and performing to prove our value and worth. It brings awareness to anxious behaviors and how we over function as a coping mechanism and gives space and clarity that allow for growth and change.
Healthy Habits
We cannot overlook the importance of a healthy diet, proper hydration and adequate sleep in regulating our mood and performance. Additionally, putting limits on social media and television, as well as limiting our alcohol intake can be beneficial in reducing stress and anxiety and keeping ourselves focused and productive. High-performers often need an outlet for the demands and expectations we (and others) place on ourselves. Social media, TV and drugs and alcohol can provide a way to dip and numb for a bit, but can also increase feelings of anxiety, procrastination and lower self-worth.
Get the diagnosis. Or don’t. Medicate. Or not. It’s your body and your choice. But ultimately, you have to decide if it’s working for you. It worked for me until I realized how my anxiety and over functioning were holding me back from having the relationships, career and life I truly wanted and deserved. It is a work in progress and worth every ounce of effort.
If any of this resonates, I would love to support you in your journey of self-discovery and healing. To connect, feel free to email me at rachel@burlesoncounselingandwellness.com or schedule a free 20-minute consultation call by clicking the button below.